Mercy
by Xtremeroswellian
Summary: A friend returns from the great beyond to comfort Liz.


Title: Mercy (1/1)

Author: X_tremeroswellian

Email: X_tremeroswellian@yahoo.com

Disclaimer: All Roswellians belong to Melinda Metz and Jason Katims, though I wish they were mine. I take that back. I don't want Tess. Or season 2 Max for that matter. Jessie belongs to the writers of "All My Children." Wade belongs to Tracey Torme, and Joyce belongs to Joss Whedon and David Greenwalt. Title and lyrics come from a song by the goddess of music, Sarah McLachlan called "Mercy." It appears on her album Solace. 

Rating: PG-13

Spoilers: Up through and including "Departure." 

Timeline: A couple nights after the events of "Departure." 

Summary: A friend returns from the great beyond to comfort Liz. 

Distribution: Just let me know the link.

Category: Story...well, technically a crossover, but you don't have to watch any of the shows to understand what's going on. It would just make the story a bit more pleasurable to see (read) a few familiar faces. Don't let the word crossover detour you from reading the fic, really. The other characters only appear *briefly.* 

Subcategories: A/L friendship, angst

Feedback: Makes me very happy. 

Dedication: To everyone who misses Alex as much as I do, and who treasures the A/L friendship. 

* * *

Mercy

You lie there on the swollen ground  
Deserted in your heart  
Still longing for what yesterday's lost...

Liz Parker stared down at the gravestone, her breath catching in her throat as she saw it for the first time. 

Alexander C. Whitman  
June 21, 1984-April 29, 2001  
Beloved Son and Friend  
May Your Song Always Be Sung

She clutched the boquet of yellow roses in her hand, barely feeling the thorn that sliced her palm open. She knelt on the ground as she felt the tears already starting to form in her eyes. "I'm sorry I haven't been here since the funeral. I've been telling myself I wasn't coming up here because I've been too busy trying to prove what happened to you wasn't an accident...but the truth is...I didn't want to come here, Alex. Because coming here makes this whole nightmare all too real. I kept thinking if I didn't come here that I would just wake up one day and you'd be down in the Crashdown having blueberry pancakes...

"But I know that's not going to happen." She laid the flowers down on his headstone. "I know what Tess did to you, Alex, and I'm so sorry. I'm sorry that I didn't notice that something was wrong all that time, that I wasn't able to stop her from hurting you." 

Tears blurred her vision as she laid her head down next to the flowers. "Max slept with her. She's pregnant with his son. I wanted her to pay for what she did, but he just let her go back to their home planet like everything was okay. He just let her get by with your murder. And then he told me that he loved me." She choked back a sob. "God, I hate him. I hate him because I still love him, even after he slept with her and then let her get away with killing you. And I hate myself for not being able to stop loving him. I'm sorry, Alex. I'm so sorry because I know that you must hate me right now for so many reasons. I'm sorry because I can't go back and make her choose me to decode the book instead of you...I wish it had been me instead. You had so much to look forward to. I wish it had been me..." she whispered as she closed her eyes and let the sobs overtake her. 

* * *

Alex watched her, his own eyes filling with tears. Liz couldn't honestly believe that he hated her, could she? That she was responsible for his death or that she should feel guilty for loving Max? No, it wasn't right. He couldn't let her do this to herself anymore. He turned to face the guardian with determination in his eyes. 

"I have to go back." 

"You know the rules." 

"I don't care about the stupid rules! I have to go back. She needs me." 

"It's impossible." 

"It's been done before. I've talked to others who have done it." 

"It's a bad idea. It will just make things worse for her." 

"How could it possibly make things worse? She thinks her whole life has fallen apart. I've never seen her like this before!" 

"You are not meant to interfere with their lives anymore. You are no longer a part of that world. You must accept that--" 

"Look, I accept the fact that I'm dead, okay? I know I can't go back permanantly. I just need to help her now." 

"I just don't think--" 

"I think he's right, Jessie," a voice spoke up from behind the boy. 

He looked at her and frowned. "Claudia, I know she was your grand-daughter, but--" 

"She needs him. I think he's the only one that *can* help her." 

"I agree with Claudia." 

"Not you too, Joyce." Jessie sighed in exasperation. 

"I've been watching her. She's carrying so much pain around with her...she reminds me so much of Buffy," Joyce said, sadness in her voice. 

"I don't make the rules, people," he pointed out.

"But you know how to bend them," a third female voice said softly. "You did it for me once, so that I could say goodbye to Rembrandt." 

Jessie sighed and knew he was a goner. He'd had a soft spot for Wade Welles since she'd arrived nearly two years ago. He glanced at all three of the women and then back at the boy. "Very well. You've got two hours, Whitman. Use 'em wisely." 

"Thank you." 

Jessie snapped his fingers and the boy vanished. He shook his head. "Tenacious kids." 

Claudia, Joyce and Wade exchanged smiles. 

* * *

Mercy--pure and simple  
Longing--cold and hollow  
With sweet breath you'd come to warm me...

"I'm so sorry, Alex. I never should have dragged you into this. I never should have told you the truth. I should have seen that something was wrong. But, no, I was too wrapped up in my own life to notice what was happening to you, what she was doing to you...I'm so sorry...It should have been me..." 

"No, Liz," Alex said softly. 

She froze. 

He stepped forward and then sat down next to her on the ground. "It isn't your fault." 

Liz lifted her head from her hands and stared at him with wide, tear-filled eyes. "How...I..." 

He smiled at her gently. "You needed me. I came," he said with a shrug.

"You can do that?" Her voice was shaky from crying, but he could hear the awe in it nevertheless. 

"Not generally. It took an extreme amount of persuading. It's much easier to appear in someone's dreams." 

"Then why--" 

"--didn't I just show up in one of your dreams? You haven't been sleeping, Liz." 

"There's been a lot going on," she said softly. 

"I know." 

"Alex, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't figure out what was happening. I failed you, I failed everyone..." 

"No, you didn't. You found out the truth. You didn't give up. You saved Isabel's and Max's lives by exposing Tess." 

"But I didn't save you." Her voice broke and she started to cry again. 

"You couldn't have. Liz, I didn't even know what was going on until it was too late. How could you have known?" 

"I should have listened to my instincts...I shouldn't have let the others trust her, I..." 

"Stop it. You're not responsible for deciding who the others trust or don't trust." 

Liz wiped the tears off her cheek and reached towards him. Then she hesitated. "Can I touch you?"

"I think so," Alex said, feeling slightly uncertain himself. He had appeared to Isabel once before he had received a guardian, and she had been able to dance with him. 

She touched his shoulder and when she realized it was possible, she wrapped her arms around his waist. "I've missed you so much." 

Alex held her in his arms, stroking her hair soothingly. "I've missed you, too." 

"It should have been me." 

"No, Liz. Don't say that." 

"If it hadn't been for me--" 

"Shh. You didn't drag me in to anything. I chose to stay on this path, Liz. It's where I wanted to be. With you. And Isabel. And Maria. If I had it to do all over again, I'd choose the same way. You have to stop feeling guilty over things you had no control over. I don't want you to feel guilty." 

"It hurts, Alex. It hurts so much," she whispered, her face buried in his shoulder. 

"I know it does." He rocked her gently as she cried. 

When her sobs subsided, she relaxed against him and asked softly, "What's it like? You know, where you are?" 

Alex smiled slightly. "You mean--?" He pointed his finger skyward. She giggled and his smile widened. Then he grew serious. "It's beautiful, Liz. Everything sparkles with life and hope and it's so peaceful." 

"Take me back with you," she whispered, looking up at him with pleading eyes. 

"I can't," he said quietly. 

"I have nothing left here...I don't want to be here anymore. I just want to stay with you, Alex. Please." 

"Liz, it's not your time." 

"It can be," she said without a hint of humor to her voice. 

Alex's eyes widened and he shook his head. "No." 

"Alex--" 

"No!" he said vehemently. "You're still needed here. Miles to go, remember?" 

She stared at him. 

"That's right. You didn't think I bookmarked that particular poem with those concert tickets by coincidence, did you? I knew you'd find the tickets and the poem, Liz. I had faith in you the same way you did in me. And I need you to have faith in me now when I tell you that things are going to get better for you. For you and for everyone." He rubbed her back and rested his chin on the top of her head. "I've never lied to you before, have I?" 

"No," she admitted, sounding defeated. 

"And I'm not now." Alex hesitated for a moment, knowing what he was about to tell her was definitely against the rules where he was from, but at the moment not caring about anything more than giving his best friend back some hope. "Tess isn't pregnant, Liz." 

Liz jerked away and stared at him. "What?" 

"She and Max...they never really slept together. She mindwarped him into thinking they had, and that she had gotten pregnant so she could go home and turn them over to Kivar." 

"But I don't...I don't understand..." 

"You don't understand why she didn't mindwarp him into really sleeping with her? Because if they had...she wouldn't have been able to hide the truth from him. He would have seen what she'd done to me, to Kyle...when Czechs get...intimate with someone, they can't block anything. And if he had found out..."

"Max never would have let her leave," she finished, stunned. 

"Right." 

"Oh, my God, Alex," she whispered. 

He reached out and gently brushed the hair out of her face. "That's why you can't give up. Max is just as much a victim in this as everyone else. And she'll be back someday, Liz. You have to be here, to help them stop her." 

"What can I do?" Liz asked in confusion. 

"I can't tell you everything. I wish I could, but the truth is, I don't even know everything. Just what they give me." 

"They'll never believe me. If I tell them I saw you, they'll think I'm crazy." 

"Isabel won't think you're crazy. And neither will Max if you let him connect with you." 

"I don't know if I can do that," she said, her eyes wide as she shook her head. 

"He loves you, Liz. He always has. You have to let him know the truth...about everything." 

"You know what happened?" 

"Yeah. That's one of the things about being dead. They let you in on everyone's secrets." 

She dropped her head. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you about Future-Max." 

"All water under the bridge, Liz." 

"Alex, there's something else...something I have to tell you." He could hear the dread in her voice. "If I hadn't changed the present...you would have been at our wedding." 

"And then Isabel and Michael would have been killed and Maria not long after that and the world would have ended." 

"It ended for you anyway," Liz said softly, blinking furiously as a new onslaught of tears found their way to her eyes. 

"You had no way of knowing what was going to happen. Regardless of what Maria and her mother say, good psychics are pretty much impossible to find. And I'm sorry to inform you, Liz," he said with grave seriousness. "But you are just not psychic." 

She smiled involuntarily and met his eyes. "I never wanted this to happen, I never..." 

"God, Liz, I know that." Alex pulled her into his arms again. "I know that. I've known you practically forever." He closed his eyes. He wasn't sure how he knew it, but he was running out of time. "I'm going to have to go soon." 

"Already?" 

"Yeah." He opened his eyes again and glanced around the cemetary. "But I'm not leaving you here. I'll walk home with you, okay?" 

Liz nodded against his chest and he stood up. He pulled her to her feet, but kept his arm around her waist, unwilling to let go of her until he absolutely had to. 

"Do you remember the walks we used to take before our freshman year?" she asked quietly, leaning her head against his arm. 

"Of course. You, me and DeLuca. We pretty much learned every nook and cranny of this town, didn't we?" Alex smiled at the memories. 

"Yeah, we did," she agreed. 

"Do you remember the night before our first day of high school, when we walked to West Roswell High?" 

Liz laughed. "Yeah...I don't think I slept that night at all. I was so nervous about the next morning." 

"Maria was pretty nervous, too." 

"And you weren't?" 

"Me? Nervous? No way," he joked, glancing at her sideways. 

"Yeah, right." 

"Yeah, okay. I was a bit nervous. But I had you guys to hang out with, so it wasn't so bad." 

"Do you remember the first day?" 

Alex rolled his eyes. "How could I forget? It was a disaster. English homework right off the bat, plus our local teachers from hell, Mrs. Johnson and Mr. Reedy."

Liz shuddered. "Don't remind me." 

"I remember the day you broke your ankle in gym. I thought he was going to try and make you run laps anyway." 

"Yeah, me too." 

"I would've kicked his ass." 

She smiled up at him. "I know you would have." They walked the rest of the way to her house in silence, then they climbed up the ladder to her rooftop so she could avoid her parents. "I wish you didn't have to go." 

"Me too," he said quietly. 

"This is going to sound strange..." 

"Stranger than you telling me that aliens exist?" he asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"I don't know. Would you...tuck me into bed and just...hold me until I fall asleep?" 

"Yeah. Of course." How could he deny her that? He still had a little bit of time left. And maybe he could help her get some rest for the first time in a long time. 

She left the room and changed into her pajamas. 

Alex smiled at her as she returned, and then pulled back the comforter and blankets on her bed. She crawled under the covers and he crawled in beside her. He enfolded her in his arms. After a few moments, her breathing evened out and he assumed she'd fallen asleep already. 

"Alex?" she said sleepily. 

"Yeah?" 

"When it's my time...you know...to...to die...will you be there?" 

Alex kissed her forehead. "A million guardians couldn't stand in my way." 

"When you go back, will you visit me in my dreams?" 

"If you want me to." 

"I just...want to be able to talk to you." 

"You can talk to me anytime, Liz. I can always hear you. I'm always with you. Always." 

"I love you, Alex." 

"I love you, too, Liz," he whispered. 

The End

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